Oh the Places you Go!

I remember in the 8th grade the last day of classes, my homeroom teacher Mrs. Taylor who I absolutely adored read the book by Dr. Suess, "Oh the places you will go". I never thought about how much that this book and it's meaning would effect me. Back then, it was easy, just go to my local high school. From there they told me which classes to take and how to apply to college. Well when it came time for me to apply for college's I did not think or even want to think about where to go and what I even want to do in life. So I just applied to the local colleges in the state. I of course got in and accepted to all. It was just a matter of where I wanted to go. I chose U of A, because when I visited I feel in love with the campus. I do not know exactly why I did not chose NAU or ASU for that matter, I just claim that everyone chose to go to those, but I guess now that I look back I wanted to get away and kinda do the rebellious choice.

This past weekend, when I went back home yet again for the 200 millionth time, my mom and I had a great conversation. She informed me that she noticed that I am not myself that this past year I have not been happy. She claimed that I do not know my true self, that I just go along and please other before myself. So this got me thinking... who am I? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to become? All these questions floated in my head, and still are... I have no idea who I truly am. Yes I am Aubrey a 19 year old girl but who am I really, what truly makes ME happy?

Since being back from home, these questions are all I can think about, am I just going here and doing these things because it is safe and expected of me? Who are my true friends? and Where do I belong? and even... Do I need college right now? Some of these questions are the extreme yes I know but they are needed to know and be asked?

Many options have popped into my head, like GCU (which I applied and got admitted) also ASU, the military, and now a college in Colorado. I like U of A, but walking around and being here I think Do I really belong? See back at home, my grandma is going through some health problems, in which there might be a major change in my family to where we end up. So that is another reason to add to the list. I just need to find out who I am, and what I truly like before making any decision.

Also, I feel that coming back to U of A is not the best for me since nothing is falling into place... for example, 1. I apply for the number 24 most sexually active dorms in the US, in which I canceled because of this reason, 2. I did not get into the Young Life house, 3. I have no where to live next year ..yet if I do return, 4. Are the clubs and activities that I am involved in really for me and describe me, 5. I do not feel excepted or wanted here 6. I have many friends but how many of them are true and trustworthy 7. low GPA. and finally 8. They will not let me register for my classes.

All these things are hard to get over and think of what to do when all these things are against me. Right now I feel I need to just get away from everything and even possibly school, even though I would need a job. But first before anything I must find myself.